The Way I Loved Him

The Way I Loved You
Taylor Swift

[ ... ]

And I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain
And it's 2am and I'm cursing your name
You're so in love that you acted insane
And that's the way I loved you

Breakin' down and coming undone
It's a roller coaster kinda rush
And I never knew I could feel that much
And that's the way I loved you

[He can't see the smile I'm faking
And my heart's not breaking
Cause I'm not feeling anything at all]

And you were wild and crazy
Just so frustrating, intoxicating, complicating

Got away by some mistake..

.
.
.

I'm sad to say I relate to this song too much

I love my boyfriend..
We work out. I see him everyday, I'm usually happy to see him

...

But then I think about my ex...

We didn't work out. Too many things that got in the way of our happiness
Not him.
It was never him. Just the complications our relationship had.

We always talked
We always laughed
We always fought
We always made up
We always promised
We always hoped
We always had fun

..

Well I guess not always.. all good things must end
And I ended it

..

The night you called me crying was too much
And ps you were stupid to drink and drive

And now sometimes I text you
Youre the only one who's every really understood
You understand me
You have this way about you that just fits with the way about me

I'm sorry I hurt you.
I hurt you more than once.. and you still tell me you love me
I really dont deserve you

..

Which is why I stop myself from going back to you
The complications are still there.
Maybe one day they'll be gone, and I won't have to worry about hurting you ever again.

I still love you, S.

And I feel guilty for not loving my bf like I loved you
But I can't help it

You were right.. I know you said it when you were mad
But I'll never find someone who loves me like you did.
Like you do.

Because he does what he should to be a good boyfriend
But he doesnt do what you did..
Which in a word is

Anything

[Love you, S]
-Autumn

Procrastination

So I know in an hour, I'll be here thinking to myself
Why the HELL didn't I do this an hour ago?

But here I am, in that "an hour ago"
And I can do it AND GET IT OVER WITH

BUT IM NOT GONNA

I'm so silly
I just procrastinate

-Autumn

What

I've become crazy

Is it my fault?

Probably

Why can't I relax

I'm crazy

I know what you're doing

I know what I should be doing

But I'm not

I'm here, thinking

My minds wandering

I used to be independant

Now I've come to rely on you

I'm crazy

Maybe I just need some space

I'll try that

But you can't force your mind to just stop thinking about something

Dentist

Theres something life changing about going to the dentist

..Okay maybe not life changing..

But you do feel like a new person walking out

Or maybe thats just me

I always love going to the dentist, telling her all about sensative spots, problems I've had

She fixes them, tells me to floss, brush more (whatever it is)

And when I walk out, it's like I have a clean slate

A fresh start

Who doesnt love that kind of feeling?
Where you can start all over again, perfectly fine

(Yes I knew I'm talking in terms of teeth)

I guess the good feeling I got today when leaving the dentist office just got me thinking about clean slates, starting over
How good it feels

And I think yes

I'd definately love a clean slate right now.

..

-Autumn

Am I Crazy?

You know what?

IM STILL MAD AT YOU!!

Even though I somewhat forgive you

(That doesn't really make sense..)

..

A synonym for the word mad is crazy

..

And its true too

I AM CRAZY FOR YOU!!

You know what you do to me? You make me crazy

And you say I think about things too much, look into things too deeply

But what do you expect if you don't tell me things?

Today you upset me.

Before you said you hate liars, you hate lies,

you don't want any secrets between us

So why did you lie to me? Why did you keep this from me?

Well I found out.

You're not THAT great at hiding everything

What if I never saw?

You said you kept it from me cause you knew I'd be mad

So I'll just go off now and do something I know you won't like and not tell you!

NO

..

You didn't cheat or do anything really REALLY bad
Its just that you kept this from me, when YOU'RE THE ONE who says no secrets!
Its hypocritical

..

Well the fights over now.

You explained yourself.

I just don't want lies.

Secrets.

..

Tomorrow's our monthly anniversary

Its been that many months, and its just now that she's finally out of the picture for good.

I've put up with enough about her.

She hurt you.

I know.

But I made it better..

So now she needs to stop trying to come back, when she can't

..

Just a rant of my anger

Sometimes you just need to let it out

..

And all I know is
You've got to give me everything
Nothing less cause
You know I give you all of me

I give you everything that I am
I'm handin' over everything that I've got
Cause I wanna have a really true love
Don't ever wanna have to go and give you up

Stay up till four in the morning and the tears are pouring
And I want to make it worth the fight
What have we been doing for all this time?
Baby if we're gonna do it, come on do it right

..

-Autumn

First Snowfall

SNOW!!!
Finally

Winter is one of my favourite seasons!
(I have four favourite seasons by the way.. all of them!)

The time I hate about it though is right before the first snow fall.
Whats the point of cold without snow?
Snow brings the fun!

Tobogganing, Skiing, Snowboarding, Snowball fights, Snowmen

..

And so this is why I'm happy about the first snow I've seen this year

..

Wow it's so beautiful outside. I've missed this feeling. Don't you love sitting inside a cozy warm room, with maybe a hot drink watching the beautiful cold outside

..

And Christmas.
I'm very excited about that
I don't really have a huge list of gifts and such that I want
I'm just excited about the feeling Christmas gives
Cheesy, but true :)

My first Christmas with my boyfriend!
Don't tell anyone..

I got him cologne
hehehe

-Autumn

Music

Don't you just love finding that song you can relate to in every way?

The perfect lyrics.
They help you understand the confusion.
They help us find words that were lost.
They show us a new way of looking at things.
They bring hope.
They bring tears.
They bring smiles.
They let us know
That even though we feel alone
We're not..

Someone else has been through this
Someone else knows

..

I love music

-Autumn